The decision to see a therapist usually weighs heavily upon a couple before even picking up the phone to call me. Because of how much I respect this, more than ever, making sure we are a good “fit” is a must for me.
We might be a great fit it:
- If you’re ready to develop healthier skills and feelings in your relationship.
- If you see a recurring issue or pattern that’s causing you concern.
- If you and your partner want to be the best “you” possible.
- If you are anticipating or have recently experience a big shift in your lives (empty nest, new kid, relocation, health crisis, death, retirement), and you want support as you suss out what this means for your relationship.
What We Work On
I cringe when couples describe how much arguing they have done in their therapy. That’s not my style. In my office, I help couples identify the patterns that aren’t working. Together, we work to heal the relationship and the people who are in that relationship. I help couples look at the source of the behaviors and beliefs that are preventing them from getting the relationship they want. I hold space for compassion, accountability, forging new paths, and reconnecting. It can feel vulnerable, but really, it’s also strengthening to do this depth of work with our partners present.
Who I See
I see couples. Some are just starting out. Some are married, and some aren’t; some are even with me to prepare for their upcoming weddings. They may or may not have children. They may or may not live together. Sometimes one or both of them has trauma, a difficult family, or a history with addiction. Some come to my office because they’re at a breaking point, while others just know there could be something gained by doing this work together. Oftentimes, there may be some “baggage” that is hard to look at, but that we know is so important. Many times, they appreciate my support to name what’s not being named. Sometimes the couples are on the verge of divorce or really uncertain if they can survive together. Some are recovering from an affair or a death. Others are deeply committed and feeling positive about their relationship, but they know that getting support will just help them that much more.
The bottom line is that I work with couples who are looking to be a better version of themselves. They’re hungry for skills, for sparks, for a connection, and for something different.
I use Relational Life Therapy, developed by Terry Real; I’m currently trained at Level 2 and will complete Level 3 in March 2020.
This approach gives helpful tools and makes powerful, results-driven work for couples. Couples want results, and they want to regain intimacy, rather than keeping pushing against one another. They know there are habits that are no longer working, and they want to switch things up, not just show up at therapy so that they can argue. Terry Real’s techniques offer ways to end the “dance” that we do too often when we argue.
So much of what I do with RLT and couples also aligns John Gottman’s incredible research on couples and relationships. Couples may hear me reference Gottman’s research and strategies as appropriate in session. I also commonly reference Esther Perel, whose work with sex and marriage is highly esteemed in the therapeutic community.